Could it be that Singaporean parents are well-intentioned but misguided?

Last Sunday, gathered at the in-laws, the conversation got around to the ever popular topic about the kiasu* Singaporean parent. The sister-in-law (SIL) mentioned that her friend, an educator, is sending his 8 year-old for two different music classes, tuition for two subjects at one of the most expensive tuition centres, swimming lessons with one of the best swimming coaches and one other sporting curriculum.

I offered that maybe it's inevitable because everyone else is doing it. Kiasu - yes. But perhaps with good reason. My cousin resigned himself to the fact that he would have to send his kid for enrichment classes even before Primary 1 because he didn't want his kid to be the only one in class who did not know what everyone else did. He didn't want his kid to be the class clown. SIL then shared similar feelings especially as her son starts formal schooling next year. The conversation stopped there but it got me thinking.

Singaporean parents send their kids to all these different structured learning activities because they believe that all these classes would give their child better grades and perfect school records, which ultimately gets the kid into the best schools. They would be armed with the best knowledge. And then what - the kid is set for life?

The endless tuition, music and sports classes with little or no emphasis on other aspects of life merely gives the child one adequate skill. It makes them very good at sitting at a desk and working, then perhaps with some spare time, playing tennis or golf.

But life is not one long structured activity. It is a multifaceted ride full of twists and turns; it gets messy. Once a person leaves school and enters the real world, it's not going to be just a 10-hour work day. It's going to be a 10-hour work day plus family, household, friends and self to juggle within that 10-hour period and the rest of the 14 hours left in a day. How well did all those lessons help? Did the single minded pursuit of academic excellence prepare the child well for this?

I've too often heard of adults who under work stress, neglect all else. While the stress may be tremendous, the underlying reason is not knowing how to cope. All they've ever known is to manage workload (ie, study) stress. Yet life goes on. There are other responsibilities and other hats to wear. What happens then? The individual, the family and yes, society suffers.

How about those complaints that youngsters these days take everything for granted and all they do is want stuff or that they complain easily and expect things to come easily? Is it possible that it's because all they ever did was study? They had maids or parents or grandparents who did everything else for them. They didn't learn that it takes more than one skill (role) to get more out of life. They were exempted from acquiring these with the belief that all they had to do was get good grades, and it's all golden thereafter. But it's not, is it?

There is so much more to life than just work. The most remarkable people I know are high achievers at work and hands-on parents, they are also heavily committed to their religion and active participants in the community. The least remarkable people I know excel in their profession. Is there anything wrong with the latter? Of course not. But why raise professional high achievers when you can raise life achievers?

What do I think kids should be doing then? I believe their time is better spent baby sitting, doing household chores, learning to cook, volunteering, working (start with small stuff around the home maybe). This instills discipline, responsibility and teaches a child how to be self sufficient, truly independent and most importantly, the skill of multi-tasking. Not multi-tasking at work, but multi-tasking at life.

* Kiasu is a Singaporean word used to describe someone who is afraid to lose out.

Saddest Sight I've Seen

Singapore's a controlled environment - everyone knows that - and few things develop organically. I've been told that Line Dancing in Far East Square is one of these rare developments. I've never seen this phenomenon till today, the eve of Father's Day, when my family went for a meal at a resturant in Far East Square.

In my mind, I had a picture of men and women dressed in country garb, stepping, clapping, skipping and having a rollicking good time. When I saw the actual movement, it was pretty much the saddest damn sight I've seen in a long, long time. Men and women wore coffeeshop clothes and moped along to the sounds of country or pop music. They appeared uninterested, bored and lifeless. Even my 66 year old father commented that the group lacked energy and spirit.

I'm all for self-expression and Singaporeans taking their lifestyle into their own hands - not waiting for the government to organise yet another party, another event that the Singapore Tourism Board can sell. What I don't understand is why someone would put him/herself out there if they weren't going to do a decent job of it. Give a good show, let everyone know that Singapore DOES have something more to offer; that it doesn't need the government to enforce rules or provide incentives for people to put their best foot forward.

Instead the grave shuffle reinforced the idea, publicly, that Singaporeans are pretty much a bunch of walking zombies. Perhaps that's the reason the government can't let go. If it did, and all we got were more half-dead performances, rather than the thinly disguised lively, energetic city, how would Singapore attract tourists and foreign investors?